ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Terrible idea I love it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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