dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
