You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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