Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
