i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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