how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
