My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
