eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
