come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
