I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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