Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
