I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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