So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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