Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
