Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
