"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
