Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
