we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
