I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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