I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
