We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
