Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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