Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
