Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
