I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
