is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
