my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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