No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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