thus making me awesome and them whores
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
