I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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