I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
