At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
