onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
