no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
