i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
