so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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