What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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