Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
