he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
