friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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