You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
