Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
