Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
