My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
