i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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