Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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