Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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