i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He shit in the fireplace
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
