I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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