that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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