Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this is an emotional support booty call
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
