last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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