i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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