69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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